when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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