You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
