It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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