no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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