I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
