if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
