my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
