Your face is a jimmy john
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
