Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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