White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
