god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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