I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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