The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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