Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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