I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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