I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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