I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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