that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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