I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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