It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
