I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My penis needs a shock collar
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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