You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Randomize
