apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
