Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
