oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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