I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
