I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
