also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
