I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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