Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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