i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Im just a social blackout drinker.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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