he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
