you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
