I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
