Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
