i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
