Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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