I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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