Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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