whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
