we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
