were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
