Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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