He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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