So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
