I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
