he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
