we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize