Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
