He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
