She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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