They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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