I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
