Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
