we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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