Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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