Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
