i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
