Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
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I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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