yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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