you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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