Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
