plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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