Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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