....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
