Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
