He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
