I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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