they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
