Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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