Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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